The Joker Visits Forks
by daydreamer11691
Summary: Our favorite disturbed criminal needs a place to hide. What better place than Forks, a small dismal town where nothing happens. To be fair, the Joker never did like to read if this has been done before, sorry .
1. Chapter 1

The Joker "Visits" Forks

Disclaimer: I do not own The Joker, any part of the Twilight franchise, or the rights to the Twilight makeup line. I own nothing.

**Characters **

THE JOKER: Villain of Batman fame. Psychologically disturbed and generally fun to be around. Wears clown makeup (Heath Ledger kind) and a purple suit.

EDWARD CULLEN: A sparkling vampire… No I'm not kidding! Anyway, he is in love with a human, BELLA SWAN.

ISABELLA (BELLA) SWAN: A whiny human girl who is very plain looking. For some inexplicable reason however, everyone adores her. She's also very self centered.

CARLISLE CULLEN: The head vampire of the Cullen family. He is kind pale with blonde hair and is a doctor. The only family member to work (sheesh, get a job already guys!).

ROSALIE HALE (CULLEN): Hates BELLA (Rosalie is the only smart character, apparently). She is stunningly gorgeous with blonde hair. She is in a relationship (not "fun play", facebook!) with EMMET.

JASPER CULLEN: The newest Cullen family member who is currently dating ALICE. He cannot control his thirst for cheeseburgers (aka humans like BELLA), poor guy. Also, he can manipulate peoples' emotions or something like that.

ALICE CULLEN: An annoying, perky vampire girl who claims she can see the future (it's all a lie!). She is best friends with BELLA, although it is unknown why.

EMMET CULLEN: Strong vampire who is dating ROSALIE. His favorite thing to do is to hunt and kill bears because apparently he is a grudge holder.

DISTURBED CITIZEN: Middle aged man who works as a lawyer (yawn).

**Act I, Scene I**

[The train station of the gloomy, rainy town known as FORKS. The citizens are utterly average, with blank expressions on their faces. A train rolls into the station, and a colorful character, THE JOKER, departs.]

THE JOKER: (taking note of his new surroundings, including the average citizens). Well I think I'll like it here! (he moves through town, scaring the citizens as he randomly greets them).

DISTURBED CITIZEN: (with a look of horror) Are you wearing makeup?

THE JOKER: Why yes, I am. They gave it to me back at the asylum (he chuckles). Well, after I killed that guard they did.

[The DISTURBED CITIZEN runs of in fear.]

THE JOKER: Hmm not very friendly here, are there? Now where can I stay while I'm here?

_Author's Note: If this has been done before, sorry. Reviews are appreciated and remember, this is for fun only. _


	2. Chapter 2

The Joker "Visits" Forks

Chapter 2

**Scene II**

**The Cullen's Home**

[An expensive, all glass home located in the woods away from ordinary homes. THE CULLEN FAMILY sits in the living room, each family member in various stages of distress. JASPER looks around guiltily, with a pained expression on his face. ROSALIE is playing with her hair, EMMET is crushing a table with his bare hands, and ALICE is attempting to see the future. Meanwhile, EDWARD is fussing over BELLA, who looks extremely bored. Enter CARLISLE and ESME].

CARLISLE: Cullens, I have called this emergency family meeting for a dire reason. It seems as though a new evil is in town, terrorizing the lovely citizens of Forks!

[ROSALIE yawns and begins to file her nails].

CARLISLE: I need you all to listen (dramatic pause). This threat is not something supernatural or created by Meyer!

[The family gasps and even ROSALIE looks stunned].

EDWARD: (to BELLA) I'll do anything to protect you!!!11

ROSALIE: Uh nobody said anything about her being in danger.

EDWARD: Oh so I can rely on _you_ to save Bella then? What are you going to do, stun the enemy to death with your "beauty?"

ROSALIE: Hey, it's not my fault we all have lame powers!

JASPER: Well I was thinking-

EDWARD: Jasper, I'm surprised at you! You know you're only allowed to have three lines total. Don't waste them!

ALICE: Everybody wait! I'm having a vision!

[Dramatic music plays as the family eagerly awaits the news.]

ALICE: (eyes wide open, she stares outside as if the answer lies in nature). I see a man wearing a purple suit and clown makeup.

ROSALIE: But there can be no ugly characters in this series!!?! Everyone must be beautiful!

EMMET: Now Rosalie, remember that this guy is human.

ALICE: It gets worse! His vest doesn't even match the purple suit!

[As the CULLEN family, including EMMET and CARLISLE start to sob, BELLA happens to glance outside.]

BELLA: Alice you're just describing that guy outside!

ALICE: (defensively) No I'm not!

BELLA: Yes you are.

ALICE: My powers are real!!!! Besides, the guy in my vision has a knife.

[Outside, the JOKER pulls out a knife and plays at catching it mid-air. BELLA, who has had it with ALICE'S ridiculous powers, raises an eyebrow at her].

ALICE: Well he also a tube of lip gloss!

[The JOKER pulls out his Luna Twilight Femme Fatale lip gloss and begins applying it].

ALICE: (triumphantly) And he doesn't plan on coming inside our home!

[The JOKER picks up a large rock and weighs it in his hand. Then, flings it at one of the oh so expensive windows of the house.]

_Crash!_

THE JOKER: (yelling from outside) May I come in?


	3. Chapter 3

The Joker "Visits" Forks

Chapter 3

**Scene III**

**The Dining Room**

[The dining room of the CULLEN family. It is extravagantly decorated but is tasteful as well. The best china has been laid out and all the characters are sitting at the table.]

THE JOKER: So you're all vampires huh? [he tears into his turkey leg and raises his eyebrows.]

ROSALIE: Well actually Bella is a human. [Edward sends her a death glare and ROSALIE rolls her eyes back at him.]

THE JOKER: That's fascinating. [he happens to see his appearance in the mirror hanging on the wall.] I seem to have messed up my makeup. Be right back!

[He leaves and EDWARD begins berating ROSALIE.]

EDWARD: Do you really think it was wise to reveal to a madman that Bella is human? He'll target her now for sure.

ROSALIE: [looks at BELLA with fake kindness] Oops my bad. [EMMET chuckles.]

CARLISLE: You know Edward, we don't exist just to watch over Bella all the time. Some of us have important things to be doing, like saving lives.

JASPER: Is it really wise to let that guy stay here? He's a murderer!

ESME: [with a patronizing tone] Now Jasper we all know that Alice saw a vision showing how we would all become best friends with him! Besides, you're not really a _true_ vampire, are you? Any vampire can control themselves. Even a newborn can; remember the vision Alice saw showing Bella as the perfect vampire?

ALICE: [blushes] I can make mistakes you know.

BELLA: [under her breath] Well isn't that the understatement of the year.

ALICE: What?!

BELLA: [innocently] Nothing.

[ALICE lunges at BELLA and a brawl ensues. The following dialogue is heard from the family.]

BELLA: You want a piece of me??

ALICE: Yes! [Hr fangs come out and EDWARD leaps into action.]

EDWARD: Bella, my looooove!!!!

[Whistling is heard in the hallway and THE JOKER enters. A china plate is thrown and whizzes right past his head. He observes the chaos.]

THE JOKER: [gleefully] I didn't even have to do anything and they're tearing each other apart! [pulls out a mini explosive and throws it at the fighting Cullens.] Well now we'll see if they're really vampires are not! [The Cullens emerge from the smoke, stunned but otherwise alright. BELLA is lying on the floor, dead.]

EDWARD: Bella!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My true love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JASPER: So uh, now that she'd dead… Can I um… Can I have a bite?

[EDWARD lunges at JASPER, who tries to avoid him.]

JASPER: [unconvincingly] I-I didn't really mean it!

[THE JOKER, sensing that he has worn out his welcome, quickly escapes the Cullen home.]

CARLSILE: Oh dear, I do believe it's time for my shift. [He leaves.]

ROSALIE: You guys know that the killer got away, right?

EDWARD: I must avenge my true love's death!!!!! We need to track this fiend! Who's with me?

ROSLAIE: I never really liked Bella. I'm going to go watch that America's Next Top Model marathon. Emmet, come!

EMMET: Yes Rosalie!

ESME: [to EDWARD] Oh sweetie, you know that I'm the least important character here, right? Jasper is more important than I am! A mission of this caliber is too strenuous for me.

ALICE: Jasper and I will come with you.

JASPER: Actually…

ALICE: [ with a quelling look at her boyfriend]. Jasper and I would be delighted to come with you.

[The three Cullens set off to avenge the death of Bella. End scene.]

_Author's Note: I know the Joker wasn't really in this chapter much. Don't worry; he'll play a bigger role in later chapters. Speaking of later chapters, special guest appearances will be made! Look for appearances by Jacob & crew, as well as Harley Quinn and Batman. _


	4. Chapter 4

The Joker "Visits" Forks

Chapter 4

**Scene IV**

[The woods. It is the day following the death of Bella. It is approximately 12 in the afternoon. The JOKER is trekking through the woods, often stopping to scare small animals. A pack of large wolves appear before him and shift into humans.]

THE JOKER: Werewolves, huh? This town just gets better and better! [JACOB BLACK glares at him.] Oh wait, don't tell me! Were you in love with Bella too? You know, this is just like when I killed Harvey's girl-

JACOB: How could you do such a thing?!

The JOKER: Kill Bella or kill Rachel?

JACOB: Bella of course! She was my true love!

THE JOKER: Ya know, I think I've done you a favor 'cause she was with that one sparkly guy the whole time I saw her. And it's the vampires' fault anyway.

JACOB: (suspiciously) What do you mean?

The JOKER: That blond girl? She mentioned that Bella was human. But you never can trust people; I had to be certain. So what I did was take this nice grenade and-

JACOB: Nooo! I'll kill you!

[At these words the other werewolves begin to transform into wolves. The JOKER raises his hand.]

The JOKER: Now there's no need to get hasty. [He pulls open his purple jacket to reveal a plentiful amount of small explosives. He starts to giggle.] Things could get very messy here!

[Silence.]

The JOKER: I like you guys, so I'm going to leave you alone. In fact, you're going to let me continue on my merry way. [He pulls out a grenade and throws it in the air, playing catch with it. Every so often he pretends to drop it and revels in the horrified looks on the pack's faces.] Oh, and you're going to give my calling card to that sparkly vampire. [He pulls out one of his Joker cards and hands it to Jacob.] See ya everyone!

[The JOKER alternates from laughing and whistling as he continues walking. Soon, he is out of sight. The pack, human again, stare at each other in dumfounded silence.]

JACOB: Let's go pay a visit to the parasites. It seems we require their help.

**Scene V**

[The Forks train station. A blonde haired woman who appears to be 25 or so is walking away from the train. She is carrying a picture of something.]

HARLEY QUINN: (to a group of people) Have you seen this man? [It is a wanted poster for the JOKER.] He has escaped from Arkham.

DISTURBED CITIZEN: Yes! That guy was so weird! I don't know where he went. [Everybody else nods and claims not to know where he is. HARLEY continues to ask other people.]

ROSALIE: Hey, that guy is responsible for a few murders around here.

HARLEY: (whirls around) What! Tell me everything.

ROSALIE: Well there were an attack on a school out here, but no one attributed it to him at first. But now he's been killing people in plain sight, like Bella Swann. He stayed with us for a little while.

HARLEY: You let him stay with you?

ROSALIE: Yeah well it's all Alice's fault. Anyway, you can come meet them or whatever. It's not like I care about Bella but all this chaos is seriously cutting into my primping time. I only have two hours now to fix my hair and makeup! Every five seconds Edward has some new task for us. [She continues complaining as she leads HARLEY to the CULLENS' home.]

HARLEY: (to herself) Why would he be killing in plain sight? It's like he wants to be caught. What kind of escapee does that?

ROSALIE: Uh well he seemed pretty crazy.

HARLEY: (slightly defensive) He's not crazy! There's a pattern here…. [ROSALIE shrugs and opens the door for HARLEY and the two enter.]


End file.
